What is miscarriage?

Many of our pregnancies don’t last very long. They end prematurely, a so called miscarriage. Humans miscarry lots of times and usually for a very good reason. We have some very strange ideas about miscarriage, which are still prevalent in my practice today. I think it would be worthwhile spending a little time on this desperately misunderstood and underestimated event at this point.

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Juliana Kassianos
Our missed miscarriage

In May 2018, my husband Steve and I went for a 10-week pregnancy scan only to find out the heart-breaking news we'd had a ‘missed miscarriage’. I hope that by telling our personal account of what happened and what’s worked for us on our healing journeys so far, we can help those of you who have been unfortunate enough to have gone through something similar.

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Juliana Kassianos
Three thoughts post miscarriage

We spent the days following surgery hiding out at my parents’ house. To be honest, I think we were both dreading returning home due to the negative association we’d created – the 10-week scan had been just a short walk from our house. By using my parent’s as a ‘safe house’, it meant we could protect ourselves from having to relive the painful memory of finding out we’d had a ‘missed miscarriage’.

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Juliana Kassianos
How I managed triggers

If you’ve struggled to conceive, experienced pregnancy loss or gone through IVF, you’re likely to have felt certain triggers along the way. It may be as simple as a friend announcing they’re pregnant, a woman with a bump passing you by or an invitation to a baby shower. Each of these individual events have the power to cause a strong swell of emotions to come to the surface, as they act as harsh reminders of what we don’t have or that which we’ve lost.

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Juliana Kassianos
How I connected to others

When you have a miscarriage, it can be quite an isolating experience for both you and your partner. One of the reasons for this, is that it’s not something that society tends to openly talk about. I find this so frustrating, especially as it happens to so many of us, one in four to be precise. Plus, when it does happen, it can be extremely traumatic, taking a huge toll on both body and mind, which is why having access to people who can support you, is so important.

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Juliana Kassianos
Using 'Kintsugi' to emotionally heal

Following our miscarriage, I paid a visit to our local book shop to pick up some reading material. Whenever I take a hit in life, one of the ways I get my mindset back on track is to read inspirational books. I find they feed my soul, helping me to gain a fresh perspective on life, which I can take with me as I continue to move forward. If I don’t take action to recalibrate my mindset, I know I'm more likely to lose my perspective as I stop living in the present, and instead stay anchored in the past…

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Juliana Kassianos
The importance of physical healing

Following our missed miscarriage, Steve and I were eager to start trying again. After speaking to our Consultant, we agreed we’d wait one menstrual cycle to allow the lining of my uterus to refresh. If my period came as expected, this would give us around one month to heal both physically and emotionally, which we felt was enough time for us. To help myself heal from a physical perspective, I went on long walks outside in the fresh air…

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Juliana Kassianos
How I told others about our miscarriage

One of the hardest things I found immediately following our miscarriage was talking about it, no matter whether it was to family members, friends or strangers. Everything was still so raw and the only person I wanted to communicate with was Steve, my husband, as he was the one person who shared my grief and who knew how best to comfort me. When we got the positive pregnancy result, like most people, we decided not to tell anyone other than our parents.

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Juliana Kassianos
Superstitions, prayers and wishes

I’m genuinely not a superstitious person – at my wedding I didn't do the whole wearing 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue'. I don't pray regularly or make wishes unless it's my birthday and I'm blowing out a candle on a cake. Following our miscarriage though, this all changed. It was like I was looking out for any positive signs the universe was giving me to tell me it would all be okay in the end…

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Juliana Kassianos
Playing fertility 'Snakes and Ladders'

The journey from conception to birth is very much like playing a lengthy game of ‘Snakes and Ladders’. When you find out you’re pregnant, it's really exciting, because you know you’re finally in the game. You might be at square one, but you're totally psyched up and ready to roll. At this stage you’ve got one thing on your mind, winning against the odds, climbing up the ladders and holding your precious prize at the end of it. You visualise this moment and hold it close to your heart.

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Juliana Kassianos